Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A+ Viking dick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
