New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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