you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
