I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
