There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
