why didn't you poke me back
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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