the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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