I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
