hell yes lets make some ravioli
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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