i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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