holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
