It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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