If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
