Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
