Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
