I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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