My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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