There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
