I must be too annoying 4 u.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
