Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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