if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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