It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
