i think my tv is drunk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
