mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
