Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
