What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
