I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
