We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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