I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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