So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
