I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
