I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
