just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
