Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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