He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
