I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
