There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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