If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found puke in my bra..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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