and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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