My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
