i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
