I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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