I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
