Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
