i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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