Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
