i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
