i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
