I can tuck mytits in my pants
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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