I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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